When We Were Beans

by Scott Culpepper

Just some of the many variations of the "Cool Bean"

     Yes, in the beginning there were beans...Cool Beans.   Any child of the 80's would recognize this popular phrase which comes and goes with the tide.  Cool Beans Productions was actually created as a business entity for a videotape duplication business I started with a good friend in the ninth grade.  The tape duplication business died, unfortunately its namesake did not.  We carried the Cool Beans name through the loss of the Union Street Theatre before deciding to retire it for good...but, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Disclaimer: If you read long enough you'll eventually reach the part of the story where everything we own literally goes up in flames -- no, DOWN in flames (things go UP in smoke).  One of the downsides to this is that most of our history - pictures, videos, articles, props etc. went down and up with it.  I have to thank Brett Hughes for providing a lot of what you see here from his own personal collection.  Many of the pictures you'll see are actually screen grabs from videos so please forgive the quality.  But again, I can't thank Brett (one of our founding members) enough for lending me his box of memories where I unearthed a treasure trove of....pictures of Brett.

Humble Beginnings

     The whole thing started simply enough.  Summer vacation was approaching and I thought it would be fun to audition for a local show and do a little bad acting over the summer.  This was the summer of 1991 and there were not nearly as many theaters to choose from as there are today.  Even if you'd paid your dues sweeping up and kissing hind somewhere, your chances of landing something over "Second Reporter" or "Man in Hat" in a production of "Whatever", were still slim to none.  So a light bulb goes off in my head: do your own thing and you're guaranteed whatever part you want.  So that's what we did. Friends were called, roles were divvied, and rehearsals began.

Our first flyer. Yes kids, we actually had to use a typewriter to produce this.  Back in my day the IBM wheelwriter was all the rage.  A fine step up from the stone and chisel.

     I had visited my brother at college that year (NCSU) and he'd done tech and the role of "radio voice" (see what I mean) in a show called "The Real Inspector Hound".  It was funny and I could steal the good stuff from his production without getting busted, so Hound it was.

I'm almost positive this was the first publicity photo we ever took.  Brett Hughes (left, dig the shorts) holding hands with Mary Kay Pavesi, as Samantha Reading looks on in disgust (at the shorts).  We thought it would be funny if Brett and Mary were standing on dead bodies (The brothers Najjar) but nobody noticed them...did you?

Most rehearsals took place in my parent's basement and our assistant director Jenny Krofft scored us a location at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel in their parish hall.  We have always been grateful to the organizations who looked past lawyers, liabilities and better judgment to give us a place to set up for a few weekends.  Without their generosity, we never would have got off the ground.

Here are a couple of photos taken by the local paper of the rehearsal process.  These photos prove true the old adage that he who wears dorky Dick Tracy tee shirts should not throw stones at friend's shorty shorts.  I'm pretty sure those are stone washed jeans too...sweet!  I have no idea what's up with Dave and the Han Solo pants.

Our first ticket...four bucks, what a steal!

Here's a look at the entire set from a distance.

The Real Inspector Hound begins with the audience looking at itself in the form of two reviewers who have come to cast their "professional" opinions on the play that is about to begin.  There is a dead body lying on stage that no one seems to notice.

Scott Culpepper (left) and Dave Najjar (right) prepare to review the show as the doomed reviewers Moon and Birdboot.  Dig the scarf! (if only he hadn't ditched the Han Solo pants seen in the pic above).

The play within the play is a classic English murder mystery and the housekeeper helps out with a little exposition.

"Hello, the drawing-room of Lady Muldoon’s country residence one morning in early spring?"  Karen Phillips (as the dutiful Mrs. Drudge) answers the telephone.

Soon the conflicts unfold in the form of a love triangle between a mysterious young man, a young woman scorned, and a wealthy widowed bride.  Along for the ride is Major Mangus Muldoon, the crippled half brother of Lord Muldoon who turned up out of the blue from Canada just the other day.

Simon Gascoyne (Brett Hughes) doesn't impress Mrs. Drudge, but makes quick work of the Widow Muldoon (Mary Kay Pavesi)...can you blame her, dig the quaff.

Simon quickly makes enemies of everyone, hearing over and over again, "I'll kill you for this ....Simon...Gascoyne!"  Sam's warning was our favorite.  CLICK HERE to hear it.

Felicity Cunningham (Samantha Reading) reminds Simon that, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"  Meanwhile, Major Muldoon (Adam Carter) is not impressed with their uninvited guest, and let's him know it with an old Canadian proverb.  CLICK HERE to hear his warning.

The plot thickens as Simon disappears and inclamet weather isolates Muldoon Manor.

In the photo above left, the house guest's listen to an ominous radio report about an escaped lunatic while the reviewers look on.  The radio announcer is none other than Anson Herrington, now a Noblesville fireman...he'll pop up later in another murder play.   In the photo above right it appears my head is about to explode ala "Scanners" and Dave wants no part of it whatsoever.

Enter Inspector Hound who comes to warn the house guests of their impending doom and to absolutely destroy a Colombo impersonation.  He is the first to notice the dead body on the floor, a discovery that comes to the rest of them as a complete shock.

Inspector Hound (Mark Najjar) grills the house guests about the sudden discovery of a dead body. NOTE: The rest of this caption is written for Mark Najjar himself, everyone else may proceed to the next picture.   Mark, my favorite movie of all time is "Dawn of the Dead."  It's not the best movie ever made nor is it the best movie I've ever seen, but it IS my favorite.  That being said, I've worked with a lot of very talented people over the years, but your portrayal of Inspector Hound, remains hands down and bar none, my favorite performance of all time.  Shwaaa shweee my friend...shwaa shwee.

Finally comes the inevitable and mysterious death of Simon, shot down by an unseen hand.

While the unseen hand fires, Brett reaches into his jacket pocket where he has fake blood stashed away in an empty band aid box (you remember the old metal ones).  A truly magical theatrical moment.

Honest to goodness, these are un-doctored, un-edited screen grabs from the video of Simon's death.  Let's face it, they just don't make prop guns like that anymore.  I cannot remember the story behind that freaking cannon.  I think one of the tech guys had a dad who was into muzzle loading antique guns.  Needless to say this is not something we condone, recommend, or ever did again...but is was an attention getter.  (Please note it's not actually pointed at anyone.)

After Simon's death, the longest tea joke in the history of the theater takes place.  Be thankful you only have to endure the one shot below.

One lump.............................or two?

After tea the stage clears and the phone begins to ring.  It rings so long that an exacerbated Moon leaps onstage from the audience only to find the call is for Birdboot...It's his wife checking up on him, which is good because he has been smitten by the actress playing the Widow Mullion.  Bird boot has taken the role left empty by a now deceased Simon...and the first act begins to repeat.

It is useless to resist....

....the lure of the scarf!  Have I mentioned Dave is now a Hamilton County Judge yet?

Moon tries in vain to pull Birdboot from the stage, but Moon is already doomed.  After a quick and confusing game of cards, Felicity threatens to kill Moon as she is known to do, and like Simon before him, Moon makes enemies of them all.  The stage clears yet again.

AND I CALL YOU BLUFF!

Convinced he's got it all figured out, (including why there's a been dead body lying on the ground (get this...a parenthesis within a parenthisis...the dead body is none other than John Choplin, the friend with whom I started the video tape duplication business and the genius behind the Cool Beans name...now that is some seriously useless trivia) that no one seems to notice)  Moon prepares to reveal the identity of the true killer when.....the hand cannon returns.

"It's Higgs!?!"  Who's Higgs?  Don't ask, I left that part out, just go see the show sometime, it's funny.  So I ask my good friend John to take a small part in the play.  Just lie on the cold hard floor for about an hour and don't move a muscle... and try to breath shallow.  I'm pretty sure everyone stepped on his hand at least once.  Act well your part...you gotta love community theater.

OK, seriously, there's about eight feet of flame coming out of that prop gun.

Birdboot runs onstage to check on Moon.  He loses his seat and his job to Simon and Inspector Hound who take on the task or reviewing this vile performance.

It lacks Elan!

Birdboot suddenly finds himself in the role of Inspector....is he the real Inspector Hound?

Excuse me while I wrap this up.

Like Andy Griffith in the last five minutes of every Matlock, though sorely lacking his raw sexual magnetism, Birdboot rushes about the stage reenacting the crimes and clues until dramatically revealing the truth.....

It's just like CSI but funnier.

...that he has no idea whodunit because the real Inspector Hound is none other than Major Magnus Muldoon DUMMM DUMMM DUUUMMMM.

I point confusedly (that's my trademark) as Adam runs over Johns hand for like the fifth time.

The Major leaps from his chair, sweeps Lady Muldoon off her feet, decries Birdboot as a charlatan..

Adam Carter as the Major comforts Lady Muldoon.  Adam will continue to pop up in our plays.  More impressively he was in the movie "Pleasantville" among others.  Cool Huh.

...and shoots him in the back!

...and then the face.

And thus began our joyous tendency to overdo thing just a wee bit.  Having won the girl and saved the day we wait only for a final word from our new reviewers....a resounding thumbs down!

It would appear the whole thing brought Mrs Drudge to tears.  It's ok, in real life she ends up marrying the guy in the scarf.  Not too shabby.

At 20 I was the oldest person on that stage.